“LIVING IN LOVE AND MYSTERY”
“The living self has one purpose only; to come into its own fullness of being, as a tree comes into full blossom, or a bird into spring beauty, or a tiger into luster.”
- D. H. Lawrence
***
Living in love is not contingent upon another person. Rather, it is the ability of seeing the love that is within and all around us.
To embrace such a fullness of being, there are often many stepping stones along the way, which for me are revealed through connections with a diversity of people. Friends, dates, colleagues, clients and my own children have showed me different aspects of my being that I could not always see on my own. I am grateful for each person who crossed my path and helped lead me back home, when in moments of fear, I sometimes strayed from my center.
I continue to enhance that more complete sense of self by choosing to be guided from the silence within, which indeed provides a flow of rich insights.
Prior to my journey of becoming grounded from within, I thought "living in love" meant my life would be intertwined with another. As soon I healed the wounds of my dismantled marriage, I would find "the one." With a clean slate, and an openness to dating different types of men, I would energetically attract my one true companion.
I still believe partnership with a life mate is part of my journey as a woman who loves to share, but it is just a piece of an ever expanding puzzle. I now delight in learning from each person I meet and find contentment in time spent alone.
As much as I love romantic movies with all the hope and joy they inspire, I have begun to see that love is not an event, as sometimes portrayed on screen. We are unable to control, direct or will its outcome. We create love along the way, by continually reminding ourselves that love is our essence and the essence of others placed before us, even when they do not always act in loving ways or meet our highest expectations.
My vision of relationship now includes more of a spontaneous dance of give and take, guided by grace and mystery, instead of any pre-defined notions of how it should unfold.
By being patient, and practicing unconditional love and acceptance, we acquire great gifts from all who enter our lives, even those with perceived flaws. The man who continually showed up hours late without a care or concern for my feelings showed me what self-absorption looked like. His behavior helped me better define respect for myself, and raise the bar on how I expect others to treat me. Looking at his behavior through the eyes of love, I thank him for helping me reclaim my worthiness and, in turn, offer him compassion for the way he sabotages the gifts of love. True love is based on respect and kindness.
I, too, have pushed others away through my own fear of love in times of vulnerability when I felt undeserving of the people placed before me, or when I was not ready to allow another to touch my heart. After a wrenching court appearance for my divorce several years ago, a man I had just started dating hand-delivered a gorgeous bouquet of roses. His thoughtful gesture arrived in contrast to the rawness I felt that day. He later told me he carefully chose peach colored roses so my children would not be taken aback by ones which were red, a color that symbolizes love. He knew my children were not ready for a new man in their mother's life. That level of insight and consideration was foreign to me. As much as I appreciated his gesture, it was not until years later that I fully comprehended his gift. At the time, I was too scared and vulnerable to let a new man into my heart.
It is scarier to love later in life when you have a greater awareness of all the layers that make up someone's being. You hope others have scoured their depths to clear their own blocks so they can be truly available to you in healthy ways. While love at first sight might seem magical, it often takes some time to discern another’s availability or readiness for co-creating a new relationship.
Choosing to extend beyond our comfort zones and take action is often a requirement of expanding our possibilities for love. Like all risks of growth, there can be some initial trepidation and discomfort. Intentionally dating a person who is different than a former partner (or what was modeled by our parents) and making ourselves more visible and available, help create new positive outcomes. Letting go of “the perfect package” and accepting others who have their own life challenges like we do, also help keep our hearts open. Choosing not to settle is one matter; expecting another to stand before us without any shortcomings is unrealistic.
Growth and expansion--the purpose of love and life-- require we extend beyond what we know from our own lessons of life based on past conditioning to what we feel in our hearts. The “old” is no longer a place to fall back on. It is gone and has served its purpose. Now, a new story begins.
Marianne Williamson in her book Enchanted Love so eloquently notes, “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”
Choosing to be more open-hearted and less fearful will change the types of people who are drawn to us. Some of the new arrivals may even appear “too good to be true” at first until we learn to accept our deservedness and make a conscious decision to be contented and fulfilled in relationship. By staying open through the initial uncertainty we may discover a more solid, mature, steady person emotionally ready and physically available for true unconditional love.
With renewed awareness and clarity, we then may find ourselves present with another, and able to receive his or her gifts with grace and humility.
Confidence in extending our innate love again is built step by step for many of us in mid-life, with possibilities for new expressions of it experienced with each person we meet. Greet each one with an open heart and let go of any expectations about someone being "the one."
Let the mystery unfold. Each of us has our own spark of light to share, which is complete in itself. We can more easily value another's spark once we embrace our own.
Then, when we are brave enough to open our hearts again for a new relationship, we know we have nothing to lose and everything to gain. No one can take away our fullness; they can only add to it.
In continued expansion,
Gail
P.S. - Happy Thanksgiving to all! |
