"LIVING IN PERSONAL INTEGRITY"
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“Personal integrity is one of the most important guardians of mental health. Put simply, integrity is the absence of contradiction between
what we know, what we profess and what we do.”
--Nathaniel Brandon
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We all know people who outwardly appear to have the perfect life, while inwardly they are struggling or lost. We sometimes learn later, when we catch a glimpse of someone’s downfall, misstep or other angst they may be living, that the wise old adage “Don’t judge a book by its cover” holds true.
Sometimes, we are initially shaken by the incongruence, like when we learn the couple we thought was so ideal are now divorced.
Yet, if we look closely at our own lives, we may also discover ways we are out of alignment between what we say and how we act. Or, we make choices that do not coincide with our core values. These discrepancies are disempowering, for it is living from authenticity that we soar and prosper best.
To bring ourselves back into integrity—which allows us to live with a greater sense of wholeness and well-being—we need to practice being consistent, following through on the promises we make to ourselves and others. Here are a few sample questions to ask yourself:
- Do you have a project you committed to that sits on a shelf?
- Have you shared your truth about a situation with a person who would benefit from hearing what you have to say?
- Is there a part of you longing for expression that you keep squelching?
- Are you in a relationship or job for the “right” reasons?
- Is there some mistake you need to forgive yourself or someone else for?
- Do you have an accurate picture of your financial situation and manage money accordingly?
- Do you listen to your inner guidance versus some external directive about how you should live your life?
- Do you make decisions that honor your core values (ie. family-centered, honesty, respect for self and others, etc.)?
Moving forward in integrity also requires a commitment to protecting our best interests, instead of naively assuming others have our well-being at the forefront of their agendas. For those of us who are givers by nature, we often have conditioned ourselves to be other-centered. Living a life of service is joyful and rewarding, but not if we do so at the expense of our own integrity. Giving back without also filling ourselves up along the way depletes us and builds resentment.
A question I continually ask myself, and guide my clients to ponder when confronted with a choice, is this: “What would self-love do here?” When I pause to center in the innate love that is within I make wiser decisions. Then, when I opt to give, share or relate with another, I do so genuinely without expectation or demand.
I also know that my relationships have deepened and been enlivened by my sharing both my light and dark moments with others. By allowing others to see all sides of me, I connect to their humanness and give them a gateway to open up as well, which can be so freeing. Some of my greatest friendships were formed during the most vulnerable moments of my life. Keeping a stiff upper lip and pretending all is fine when we are being challenged is an old dynamic that keeps us separate and isolated. Reach out and share, and know you are loved –sometimes even more-- when life seems less than perfect.
Genuinely,
Gail
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