“The Rewards of Courage”
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“The trick with courage is realizing that it isn’t so much about overcoming fear, as it is about not settling for less. And then, it comes as effortlessly as a midsummer’s night breeze…Or, put another way, it’s about wanting something so greatly that no perceived risk can keep you from thinking about it, and moving towards it.”
— Mike Dooley
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Like many singles, I desire a loving and committed relationship so greatly that for a long time it was my primary focus to find a compatible life mate. I have been blessed to be loved by some great and caring men, each of whom contributed to my expanded sense of wholeness. In turn, I helped them learn about parts of themselves that longed for expression.
One of the most significant acts of courage I have had to do—as some men have done with me along the way—is let go of those I love because the timing or dynamics of our relationship was off. Whether it is someone newly widowed who has not fully grieved, or a person who was in a long-term marriage that ended in divorce and is still learning to be in relationship in a new and healthier way, sometimes those we care deeply about are just not ready for the love we have to offer them.
We cannot make another person ready, no matter how hard we try. We can patiently wait for a person to blossom, but sometimes, if we forego our own needs for fulfillment too long while watching another reclaim his or her life after a loss, resentment builds. In these cases, setting someone free is a loving gesture.
I am trusting now that my rewards for courageously letting someone I love go will continue to emerge as I center myself in peace and acceptance. I feel so grateful for all the fun, laughter and affection I experienced. At the same time, I am grieving. In my pain, I keep hearing those wise words repeated so frequently throughout my life: “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” Beyond separating, there is another task ahead of loving and letting go courageously—taking quiet “empty” time alone to integrate the new lessons, insights and perceptions the other gave me, and be thankful our paths crossed.
I am choosing now not to wrong the other for our misunderstandings or different ways of communicating. Rather, I am accepting that the gifts far outweighed the challenges. I am so lucky to have been loved again in new ways and shared my own gifts of the heart.
The rewards of risking love for me this time are that I am committed to keeping my heart open, knowing that it is worth the potential for loss to extend ourselves to others. In watching the popular movie, The Notebook, a love story recommended for all who wish to embrace romance, I grieved almost a full day afterwards. Unlike younger years when standing at the altar on my wedding day I thought love would last forever, at mid-life and beyond you know true love is something never to be taken for granted. Each moment is to be cherished, even when those we care about cannot be with us as our mates.
I bless each person who I loved or who took the time to love and care for me. Those are my rewards for courage—I have been expanded.
Staying open with courage,
Gail
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